i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
