Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
