When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
as a side note pls kill me
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