so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
