I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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