im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
