Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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