Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
