Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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