I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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