I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
