My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
