You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
