The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
