I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
