if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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