in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
