im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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