This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
