Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
