Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need water and some morals
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
