Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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