I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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