you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
