You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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