I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
