cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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