I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
