I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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