Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
