In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry my hands just texted you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
