Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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