my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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