Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
