also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
