It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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