On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
