My hand turned me down
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
