the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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