She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
