Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
