I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
