Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
