sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
