Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
