Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
