new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
