I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
