upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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