Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
