your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
